#v.0.0
#rough_draft
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#catchy_or_linkbait_title
Tinder Review
Or: How I wrote a social commentary.
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#abstract
From the mind of yours truly... who happens to be a tinder user, and who thought "let's write down these thoughts instead of swiping right, left, up or down."
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#Begin_rant_?
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This isn't a review of this app (Tinder). It basically my not-quite-fully-formed thoughts on my anecdotal experience(s) using the app.
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First, I am assuming that my match frequency is below average and do not take issue with this presumption. Match frequency is not something I am concerned with, although who's ego wouldn't want everyone to swipe them to to the right.?
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Second, from my experience it seems without doubt (so I will assume again) that a statistically significant percentage of females overtly or implicitly demand that the male is responsible making first contact. I again don't take issue with people's right to make and hold their own opinions about social norms specifically (and about anything in general.)
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Then add to that group the females that just mention communication after matching and the group now becomes much larger.
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The concept of communication as a - or debatably "The" - foundational building block of any relationship. Of any kind. (And also a measuring stick if quantification is in play, which I'm not really interested in with respect to this current missive.)
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If you're still with me and following along, then you might think you know where I'm headed with this and and you might be jumping to conclusions (correctly or not) about what I am trying to communicate.
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If the previous sentence does not apply to you then skip the next sentence. If you haven't skipped this sentence then please make a note of what you are assuming and continue to read in full because I'm pretty sure your assumption is incorrect and if you have assumed correctly then let me apologize in advance for insisting you hear me out in full and wasting your time.
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So what's my point then? What's my review of this app called tinder? Why am I devoting such time to thinking about my rating of this app? Why spend so much time to (hopefully) somewhat coherently put digital pen to digital paper?
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Because I have yet to have a complete conversation with any of my matches.
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Because none of the females that mention communication (and especially the smaller subset who demand first contact be made by me) have even responded to my totally normal introductions upon making first contact.
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Because I find it interesting that some of these matches either straight up ignore my communication that they demanded as if they fell into a coma between when they swiped me right and when I made first contact.
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And the rest of them? They unmatch me as if my "hi I'm Chris, nice to meet you. What's one of your red-flags or major turn offs that you wished past boyfriends or dates would have told you about themselves upfront that can save us both a lot of time?" was dik-pik or a "sup?".
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I sometimes will add my own answer to that question when I don't get a response after a few days/weeks/months. I might say something like: "One of my red-flags when getting to know anyone is being able to walk the walk not just talk the talk. actions speak louder than words".
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And maybe if I really feel like it's worth sending another message since I haven't been unmatched after a few day/weeks months I would say something like: "and if brevity isn't your thing then consider this - if you can't be honest with yourself and admit that you don't always/often/ever do what you say then how can justify the idea of any relationship beyond a shallow acquaintance?"
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In that spirit of honesty, I will admit that what I'm about to say is my goal and not my claim. In theory I refuse, but in practice I try to avoid investing myself and caring about anyone who I can't trust is being honest or at least trying to be honest and admitting that they are not perfect and owning their past while striving to improve their future. That kind of mindset is something that I can care about and invest in and maybe love... and hopefully be reciprocated in return.
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So if you are still following along and don't think that I've made a point let me crudely/bluntly try and boil it down to just one sentence or phrase.
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This diatribe (if you will allow me to characterize my own communication as such) is just one long venting of my mental frustration about my zero real conversations even though I've been matched probably 1000 times and at least 50 of those matches asked me to start the conversation and didn't even respond.
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To be clear I'm not venting that after chatting with a match they decide to imminent or not to meet me. I'm saying that I've had zero communications that might lead to a decision to either meet in person or decide not to meet and unmatch.
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I would like to make one final comment to point out explicitly that I am NOT calling anyone out as a hypocrite here, but I am getting pretty close and it frustrates me to encounter so much hypocrisy. I am an optimist and a logical thinker so if I had to form a hypothesis as to why it seems hypocritical I would probably attribute the appearance of hypocrisy to various (or maybe just one or a few) psychological/sociological/cultural phenomena that are not necessarily good or bad causes of this appearance of hypocrisy but just are causes without any good/bad assignment or intention.
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FYI, RFC
#cch