Chris Heath 1998


I am a chameleon. In my spare time I am the star player for the U.S. Men’s National Soccer Team. I am so famous that I only have one name. I helped design canals and locks for a nearby waterway. My friends think highly of me. There is a slim chance you will ever see me perform at the opera, but I'm always performing in my car.

My car is a Honda Civic. I drove it at Le Mans last year. I reach great velocities, yet come to a complete stop around turns. | am the proud owner of an prize-winning beagle. I have also nurtured two cats since they were kittens. My documentaries on leaf-catching changed the autumn atmosphere in New England.

I am a philanthropist, a reserve player for the Celtics, and a late sleeper too. I balance my time on a teeter-totter in the school playground whenever the chance arises. My subscription to the CD club is being watched by my own under-cover-investigational-hearing board. Before I was with the CIA I saved an elected official from death.

I have held a peace summit in my backyard and another in my living room. My favorite books are under the protection of the Austrian Army. My gambling habits are curbed when Mike Tyson enters the ring. My agent says it's hard to be an agent for an agent. but I think he can deal with it.

Two times a week -- when I'm not playing sports -- I sell, buy, and consign new and used sporting goods at my locally owned store. My activities at the Speedway have earned me the right to an Applause-o-Gram showing my great work during the Winston Cup weekend. I was in on all the facets of the food industry at that Speedway.

I hope to one day win the Nobel Prize for my work with making Spring "greener". At night I have been known to walk down my road and howl at the beautiful night sky. I spent a summer learning how to be an engineer and playing soccer every other day. The hummus, pesto, and tofu in my house are so good that I refuse to waste them on myself. A support group of mine helped me discover the meaning of life and then I went on to prove that it isn't 42, like Douglas Adams thinks.

Swimming a thousand stokes, running 54 lines in 3 minutes, and jumping from the rope swing are among my most fond memories of Summer. More than once I have had to brake into my own house. I have mediated for many groups ranging in sizes from 1 to 20. My newest favorite activity is Debate Team. I have spoken with Presidents and commoners. Elvis even e-mails me tri-annually. I have been a king, scaled the castle walls and destroyed a whole species. I have received 3rd degree burns and lived to tell of it. I have even meditated to the extent that I levitated myself to the moon and back. While there is a nugget of truth in what you’ve just read, the whole truth is that was just my childhood.